october 19th, 2017

i held back for so long
and let the good parts of myself fall through the cracks, 
thinking that i was making myself better
but only ever shrinking

i let you,
you with your toxic mouth
and angry hands
douse yourself all over me like
pesticide

i thought that you made me into something
so much more than i was before:
i was too afraid to step away 
to see myself shriveled up, broken
and crumbling like ancient stones
inside the ruins we had once built together

i took in a lungful of new air and watched you
knock it all
down



now inside i am standing.
i am planting seeds inside myself, 
and i am sprouting towards 
the perfect blue.