blindsided

i'm waiting for it, and i
know it's coming yet
every damn time
i am knocked to the
ground as if you are an
endless succession of
cars and i'm standing in
the middle of the motorway,
deer in the headlights,
don't shoot

don't shoot.
i scream at
you and you have a gun
in each hand and one's
pointing at her and the
other is pointing at
yourself and my
heartbeat is spilling
out of my ears like animal
guts, i don't want you
to disappear

i can't get the words
out of my mouth,
they're mingled with bile
and blood and i'm sure
even hippocrates or galen
wouldn't be able to balance
this body -

i don't want to tell you,
but i think you have to
turn the gun on me.